This Common Mistake is Killing Your Business & Smothering Your Bliss
Transcript (Edited for Readability)
Today, I want to talk about this really super common mistake that women especially make. It’s killing our businesses and it’s smothering our bliss.
First, I’d love to know – What was one of the main reasons you started your business in the first place?
Why did you decide to leave the corporate world or whatever job you were doing before? If you’re a mom and hadn’t been in the workforce for awhile and decided to start your own business… why did you decide to do that?
I’d love to hear your comments – What was your thought process? What was your ‘why’ for getting started with this whole ‘I’m gonna have my own business’ in the first place?
Personally, I had been working remotely for 7 years in the medical field. I was free from an office schedule, a commute, and all the other downsides of corporate life. But I was still tied to my desk for 6-8 hours a day. I had quotas to meet. I had deadlines to reach. It was still very stressful!
It’s kind of funny because a lot of people that knew I worked from home – apparently didn’t think I was actually working. I constantly had to decline invites, ‘Let’s go to the mall’ or ‘Let’s meet up with the kids at the park.’ I was like, “I can’t leave my desk! I have to stay here and work!”
One of the major inspirations for me to leave that and shift into having my own business was FREEDOM.
The freedom to make my own schedule. I know as we grow as businesswomen, this changes. I mean, my motivation and inspiration now is much deeper than when I started. At first, though, it was mainly about the freedom. Not having to answer to someone else’s schedule and deadlines and everything else. Of course, when working with clients, we do have deadlines. But we have more freedom to create the boundaries around that and more say about how that’s going to work. So for me, it was huge about freedom.
The freedom to make my own schedule. I know as we grow as businesswomen, this changes. I mean, my motivation and inspiration now is much deeper than when I started. At first, though, it was mainly about the freedom. Not having to answer to someone else’s schedule and deadlines and everything else. Of course, when working with clients, we do have deadlines. But we have more freedom to create the boundaries around that and more say about how that’s going to work. So for me, it was huge about freedom.
Something I’ve mentioned before and want you to think about:
If we are not feeling happy in our business, if we are doing this whole work-life-everything and we don’t feel good… what are we doing this for? Right?CLICK HERE for simple tools for better work-life balance, so you can FEEL GOOD as you build your version of success!
If we are not feeling happy in our business, if we are doing this whole work-life-everything and we don’t feel good… what are we doing this for? Right?CLICK HERE for simple tools for better work-life balance, so you can FEEL GOOD as you build your version of success!
We can be so consumed and run by our business versus running our business. Do you understand the difference?
If our business is running us, then what does that look like? We’re putting out fires all day long. We’re in response mode versus proactive mode all day long. And this isn’t just in our business, this is in every part of our lives, right? If we wait and don’t set those boundaries, don’t be proactive and set it up the way that we want it to be, what is going to happen? It’s going to run us and it’s going to run us ragged. So this bleeds over into every other part of our lives, right?
We might even be totally on top of our business and we don’t let it run us that way. But what about the other parts of our lives that come in and take over? Our kids or partners need something and we get sidetracked with that. Life happens and throws us out of our rhythm, and we get stuck trying to find our way back.
So many of us are in this reactive mode. We think, “OK I’ll take care of this when something happens… when it’s an emergency and now I have no choice but to deal with it immediately.”
What happens is it runs us ragged, it burns us out, it leaves us exhausted. Not only do we lose our passion for our business or our other things that we love, but we can’t be effective in any of them.
First, we get stuck in this frazzled mode, and it creates a snowball effect. So if business is our top priority, where we focus most of our attention, that’s where it’s going to show up first. You’re running out of gas, you don’t have inspiration, you don’t have the motivation to do all the things you need to do. It trickles down into other areas of life. The more you’re kind of spinning your wheels in your business, the more that leaches out into your personal life. You don’t have the energy to do all the stuff you need to do in your business, but you feel the pressure to get it all done. The more you stay stuck here, the less energy for your relationships with your partner, children, friends, and yourself.
We tend to put our business up at the top, and then our family and personal things after. Maybe there’s a little bit of back and forth with that for you. Then we put ourselves way down at the bottom. “I’ll get to that later. I’ll get to that when there’s a little bit more time, energy, whatever.” And it never happens. If we’re running ourselves ragged, how can have the energy left to take care of ourselves at the end of the day?
Like, we’re an afterthought, right, and how is that serving us?
How is that serving our clients? Our children? Our partner?
How is that serving ourselves?
We deserve to feel good in our lives, and why are we neglecting ourselves of that? Why are we depriving ourselves of that?
We deserve to feel good in our lives, and why are we neglecting ourselves of that? Why are we depriving ourselves of that?
This is all encompassing, physical, mental, and emotional. It starts with physical, and then rolls into this mental/emotional exhaustion. You start to feel guilty that you can’t do all the things. That you aren’t putting in all that you want to give in any one of these aspects. And then, you know, “How dare I think of doing something for myself when I haven’t done for this, this, and this yet!?” Right? It’s common and it’s normal. Every woman I’ve talked with goes through these thoughts and feelings. But it’s not necessary and it’s backwards! That is what my message is about – that it’s backwards. That we deserve to be up at the top of our priorities, along with everything else.
If you’re burning the candle from both ends, you have no energy left for yourself, then you’re running on fumes. You’re trying to use those fumes to keep your business going, keep your relationships going. But that doesn’t work because we can’t live on fumes.
The less energy that we have in general, the less motivation and effort we have to put into ourselves. So it’s this catch 22, right?
The more tired we are, the harder it is to take care of ourselves – and the less we take care of ourselves, the more tired we are! Which is crazy, but that’s how it is. If we want to be successful in our business, have fulfilling relationships, and serve our purpose in this world, we HAVE TO be part of that top priority tier.
The more tired we are, the harder it is to take care of ourselves – and the less we take care of ourselves, the more tired we are! Which is crazy, but that’s how it is. If we want to be successful in our business, have fulfilling relationships, and serve our purpose in this world, we HAVE TO be part of that top priority tier.
It’s kind of funny to me about women entrepreneurs because we are ‘take charge’ kind of people.
Some people call us bossy, people can call us bitches – they can call us whatever they want … but we are TAKE CHARGE people!
That’s our personality. We take charge. We don’t sit and wait around for someone to give us the schedule we want or give us the paycheck we want. Nothing like that, right?
But when it comes to ourselves, what do we do? We sit back and wait. “Well, you know, I kind of feel like not good, like it’s not ok for me to do that. It makes me look like I’m selfish. It makes me look like I’m lazy. I’ m not a good person if I put myself first, because that means all these other ugly things, right?
That’s not taking charge! That’s just sitting around waiting for something and nobody’s going to do it for us! Nobody! Right? And what I’m so passionate about is helping you understand that you are that person. You KNOW you’re that person, that take charge – I’m going to make this the way I want it because that’s the kind of woman that I am” – and that means including you too!
Not going out and fixing everybody else.
Not going out and saving everybody else.
Not going out and taking care of everybody else – yah we do that because it’s our joy, that’s our passion. That’s why we created businesses where we help other people, right?
But we have to feel that for ourselves too. We have to do that for ourselves too!
Stop the bullshit.
Take charge.
Put yourself up here with everything else.
Take care of yourself with everything else. Watch how everything changes in a positive way – not in the negative way that you’re scared of.
I know this is scary for a lot of us. I was scared for many years. It took me hitting a severe year of burnout to realize, like ‘holy crap, I’m doing this wrong.’
Take charge.
Put yourself up here with everything else.
Take care of yourself with everything else. Watch how everything changes in a positive way – not in the negative way that you’re scared of.
I know this is scary for a lot of us. I was scared for many years. It took me hitting a severe year of burnout to realize, like ‘holy crap, I’m doing this wrong.’
We’re not the kind of people to just sit around and wait. We get things done! We make things happen. That’s why we’re doing this. It’s important that we feel good while we’re doing this, and the way to do this is to take care of ourselves.
I know it feels so counterintuitive, but we need to pour into ourselves first. When we do this, we start building momentum to the positive, to feeling good. We have more energy, feel more vibrant and alive in our business, more connected with our clients and in our personal relationships. You feel good because you know that you are worth taking care of and you know that you are doing that for yourself.
